I'm sitting here at my mum's house, trying to read secondary material for this take home exam I'm doing over the long weekend (I'm writing on Poe and Ginsberg). My Dad's away on business again, and I have to be here to make sure my brother doesn't hold my mother hostage for 7 hours, or hit her over the head with a plate, or any of the other stuff he's done before.
And the cops are in the lounge room, talking to my brother, and he's telling them I just don't understand his tone of voice when he is abusing me, because I'm a conservative thinker, and I'm just not meeting his standards for thinking.
And I'm wondering: How much more of this crazy can I take? How long until he kills one of us? Where did my brother go?
I hate myself because sometimes I wish he would just kill himself.
oh honey.. x
ReplyDeleteMan. You can't stop your thoughts. Sometimes that's all you got.
ReplyDeleteHey,thanks girls. I don't have many avenues to say things like this, sometimes I need to blurt it out ...
ReplyDeleteThe fucked thing is, I know he's a scared sweet human underneath it.
He went to see his psych today, but I rang up prior to let them know what's been going down. Dobber :)
Hopefully someone will finally help my parents out with some respite or group accommodation, and it the change will inspire a change in him. I wonder how bad it has to get, though, before someone will help us?
Wishing a mentally unstable family member dead? We've all been there, Pantsy. The only peculiar thing in your admission is its public nature. And this, I'd say, will be a help to others wrestling with similar guilt. Although, might not be so great if the matter ever comes before a magistrate.
ReplyDeleteThe day we acknowledge there are those so beyond help that death is their only release is a sad one.
Anyhoo. What can you do? Save for LAUGHING at the very poor quality of the new SATC film and seeing a shrink: Nothing.
Hmm yes I know that in my family at least i'm not in the minority in holding that sentiment, Hellsy. I feel a bit like Sarah in the Labryinth, when she asks the goblin king to take the child away?
ReplyDeleteActually, funny you mention it, I AM planning to take my mum to SATC on Tuesday, so we can marvel at the misogyny and ignorance...
As for the shrink, well I'm at the stage where I feel like my family and I talk about NOTHING else. So yeh, I'm in denial.
Get a shrink. I know the temptation is to say, "I spend all of my energies on this person. The last ting I want to do is formalise my obsession and see a professional." But, in the end, it's far more time effective to see a good counsellor.
ReplyDeleteSATC will just make you fill ill, incidentally.
yep, have to agree with the razer, you need help so you can help your self.... and him in the long run.
ReplyDeletemmm little too deep and a little to early, back to coffee and pretending to work
ok yes, I know. Pretty hilarious, my resistance to therapy, considering that I'M STUDYING TO BE A COUNSELLOR. Anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm trying to think who I'm going to go see... I used to see a hypnotherapist/counsellor in Glebe but she's really expensive and I'm really poor. I might have to suss out some free services in the meantime, like the one at uni, but I believe that a lot of these types of services are more 'solution' focused, and I don't really think there IS a solution to this situation :( I dunno, I dunno. But I'm thinking about it. It's a start....right?
Isn't there a program through GPs where they can refer you to eight free sessions? Or did I dream that?
ReplyDeletethere is...kind of. But you need to be certifiably nuts to access that. I mean I probably am, but thats not the presenting problem here.
ReplyDelete"The mental health psychology Medicare items involve two categories - 'General' psychology services and 'Specialist' clinical psychology services.
Both general and specialist psychology services can only be provided to people with 'an assessed mental disorder' that is being managed by a GP under a GP Mental Health Care Plan or a psychiatrist assessment and management plan, or on direct referral from a psychiatrist or a paediatrician (for treatment of a child).
All psychology Medicare services are limited to a maximum of 12 individual sessions per client per calendar year, with a review by the doctor who referred you required after the initial six sessions. In addition, you will also be eligible for 12 group session services, where appropriate, in a calendar year. Check out this fact sheet on Medicare for more info.
For more info, check out the APS site at www.psychology.org.au or the Department of Health and Ageing's website at www.health.gov.au/mbsonline."