Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

As of yesterday, I am no longer a rangga. Red hair has been my signature thang for so long, but it's time for a change. Although I did chop my super long hair into a bob only a few months ago, so it's not exactly like I've been in a style rut. Anyhoo, I'm dark brown now... I love me a brunette bob. A little bit china doll, if you will. At least it would be if my complexion was a little less sun damaged (kids! use your 30 plus!).

I've taken up boxing and kickboxing at my gym... 6.15 am twice a week... There really isn't a more viscous way to start the morning... I struggle to lift my spoon to eat my cereal afterwards. There is something so satisfying about the "THWACK" of a perfectly executed knee, kick or punch, though. I will soon have amazing abs and arms. I mean I can't be all bingo wings when I'm working on reception at a boxing gym, can I?  Oooh and I have super cute 10oz pink leather gloves on backorder. Vomitously girly, I know, but I couldn't help it.

Wow, that was quite a boring post, wasn't it? Sorry guys, I'm quite sensible and non-scandalous at the moment. Will see what I can do to remedy that situation asap :)

BOOM!! (oh, and I have new sheets)

My reply to HT:

Well, well, well...

Thank you for your kind and generous offer of sex on your terms when you feel like it. I feel the need to pause here to draw attention to what was glossed over in your email: you made an arrangement to see me, and then without bothering to advise me of your change in intent, you didn’t follow through. Instantly this makes you persona non grata in my world. I wouldn’t accept this behaviour from a friend, and I wouldn’t (and won’t) accept this behaviour from someone I’ve slept with. It's rude. And you don't even have the excuse of stupidity or lack of awareness to hide behind.

This does not put you in a very strong position to negotiate with me, I’m afraid. I’m not sure if you think that I’m stupid, needy, or just hard up, but I can assure you none of this is the case. I have no interest in settling for whatever crumbs of attention you decide to toss my way. 

Whilst I’m at it, things never had to be as difficult and dramatic as you made them, either. I have run out of energy for all these pointless histrionics. There’s only room for one neurotic, emotionally retarded princess in my life, and that’s me. You are nearly 40. For the love of God, get it together.

I actually find it quite unpleasant having to spell all this out. And believe it or not, I don’t particularly enjoy being a bitch to you. But you really should have known better than to bother contacting me again. 

I think that this just about puts it to rest, don't you? Sit and spin, you tosser.

*****

I accidentally spent $400 on linen and pillows today - fucken whoops! I'm totally in love with my bed now. Let's see how long all those cushions last, they will be a bit of a pain in the arse me thinks. But so pretty!

Update: GET OFF THE CRACK PIPE, HT

Well! Surprise fucking surprise!! HT has decided to email me after he STOOD ME UP a few weeks ago.


Let's see what the cunt has to say for himself, shall we:


"Hi Lady,

I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you before now. There's really no excuse, apart from the fact that I've been quite busy and when I'm not I haven't felt very sociable and I'd be worried I'd be lousy company.

I guess there's also a little more that's been playing on my mind. I really like your company, I like hanging out with you, and I'm also very attracted to you. I've always had a good time with you, and I'd like to have more fun. But I guess I've been a little unsure of what it is we are doing and what you think we are doing. I hate being this guy, which is the guy that sounds like a complete flake. I guess I'm hoping that you too are happy to keep what we have casual. I find it hard to relax when I'm not sure what you are thinking, and I know we'd have a better time if we knew where we stood with each other.

I should have asked you to your face, but it's so hard to raise the question, because it always makes me sound presumptuous and condescending, and as far as I can tell, you might be just as happy to keep this on a friendship level, with some fun if it pleased you. Anyway, if you feel like I'm being a tool, and fucking you around, no problem, I'll understand. But if you did want to catch up again, I'd be happy to see you. 

I hope you're well. x"

yeh yeh yeh, yadda yadda yadda, YOU STOOD ME UP YOU RUDE FUCKSTAIN. Even though I was in truth hoping for more of a relationship type vibe, I would have been still all up for fun and games or casual, but seeing as you fucked me around all deals are OFF.

I have not replied yet, but needless to say I won't be agreeing to his dodgy little proposal. I'm taking submissions from you, my dear readers, for suggested content.

What a fucking tosser.

hold on to your hats!

I'm doing homework on a Saturday night. Dedicated, insane or boring? - YOU DECIDE.

Well, considering I've been caffeine, sugar, salt, preservative, wheat, meat, fish, egg, dairy, cigarette, alcohol, drug AND sex free since my return, what else is there for me to do? I've already tired of masturbation, thanks.

Summation

* Started pole dancing classes today. I am surprised I found it as difficult as I did, I thought dancing like a slag would have come easier to me. Also, I pulled a tricep. I am very excited about the excuse to buy some fuck-off slutty stripper shoes.

* Back at uni and working myself up to unfathomable levels of busy-ness again. This semester is my first classroom teaching prac - this time I am teaching high school English. Heavy! I am terrified and a little bit excited. I'm not 100% across the content, let alone time and behaviour management. But I'm looking forward especially to using creative writing and drama in the classroom in fun and non-intimidating ways.

* My brother is now in his own apartment with assisted care! So stoked for him. He actually says he his happy. He never says he is happy. He's also learning how to cook and clean, and attending an activity centre 2 or 3 times per week. This is a really big deal for someone who never got out of his pyjamas, let alone left the house. I'm extremely proud of him, even with the ups and downs he still experiences.

* HT, as predicted by many of your good selves, as well as me, turned out to be a dropkick. Long (rather dull) story short: We exchanged emails whilst I was away, with a ever so slight romantic tinge. He did not respond to my last one in over a week, and in fact had not responded by the time I returned to Australia. A few days after my return, I gave him a call, which rang out. He returned my call 4 or 5 hours later, we chatted happily, he suggested meeting up two days henceforth, and that he would call to arrange. He didn't, and still hasn't. Um, whatever, fucktard. Grow some balls and tell me you aren't into me, if that's the case. Or at least don't bother calling back to arrange a catch up you don't plan to keep. At least he saved me the trouble of checking him later on - i was growing rather tired of his limp-wristed bullshit. Too hard basket, honey. You only lasted that long because you were a great fuck.

* HT had mentioned back in January that one of his best friends, B, was a client at the gym I work at. I racked brains trying to figure out who he was to no avail. Upon my return to work last week, after being stood up by HT in a most ungentlemanly manner. I quickly did a search on all the clients sharing B's name. I narrowed it down to one on the basis of age. B turned up to class yesterday, and low and behold turns out he is one of the clients I have flirted most inappropriately with. THIS IS EXCELLENT. Did a quick FB stalk and confirmed they are indeed friends. I will be making the most of this happy coincidence, let me tell you. Let the turbo flirting commence!! Take that HT!! Mwahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I must say I'm pretty happy where I am in the world at the moment - uni, work, where I live, my detox, being active again, friends...Actually, strike that: I'm fucking ripping. I feel I'm exactly where I want to be.

Filth and Fotos

Hola, Amores!

So the answer to your burning question - Did pants get royally pounded in the vajayjay on her vaycay? - is a resounding YES. Unfortunately both occassions were quite shit, but the important thing is that I supported the Argentinian beef industry.

Fuck Number One

It's all rather hazy, sorry guys, as I was stupefyingly drunk after spending about $150 in AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS on wine in a very intimate old-timey tango bar.

I was stumbling home through the cobbled streets of San Telmo, having had several dances on stage with the dashing male lead despite my salami breath. A gentleman appeared from god knows where and invited me to a coffee. In my boozy state, I considered this a rather good idea, as I definitely should attempt to sober up. Plus i thought he was one of the performers from the club I was just in (he wasn't). His name was Ariel, and whilst he wasn't much to look at he was wearing a dashing dinner suit.

We drank strong coffee and I pretended to be able to put a sentence together. He was to play piano at a club at 3am (it was 2), so we stumbled out into the streets. He kissed me. I kissed him back. Long story short I ended up in his apartment which was largely filled with a grand piano which nearly caught the brunt of my smashed glass of whisky.

He had a single bed. He wouldn't eat my pussy (GAME OVER). He was ok I guess, but I was so drunk I didn't really care. When he asked if I was coming, I simply answered "errr, no I'm not". He attempted to be sweet and tender, but he was simply inept. I also remember getting spanked at some stage.

Afterwards I fell asleep on his bed, only to be awoken by his taking pictures of me (?!). Then he asked me if I was a virgin. Was I THAT shit in bed? Or was this some kind of catholic fantasy?? Either way, I decided it prudent to catch a cab home.

Fuck Number 2


I met Jean Luc briefly in a hostel in Mercedes, North East Argentina. He was young and French and we exchanged pleasantries before I jumped in the 4WD which was taking me the 4 hour drive to Esteros Del Iberia. Turns out he was heading there too, which wasn't surprising as there wasn't much reason to visit Mercedes other than that. 'Oh, good', I thought to myself 'He seems nice enough.'.

One day later and I was heading out on the tinny in the wetlands, speeding past the only bridge into town... I saw a familiar blue shirt and a curly mop of dark hair hitchhiking and I waved. Returning to my dorm later that night he was sleeping, caramel skinned and baby faced.

I spent the next day walking the trails and horseriding. He and I were in the dorm alone together, so we struck up a friendship and made dinner together using his flash light and drank red wine (9 pesos a bottle and pretty freaking tasty). His english was stilted - he told a most amusing tale about mortally offending an elderly lady in Adelaide by asking her "where the bitches were" and being subsequently confused at her fury when all he wanted was a swim in the ocean - but we  made each other laugh. We both loved Trainspotting, the opening lines of which he read to me in french (which I understand somewhat). He read me a poem from his journal. He told me girls with Australian accents are sexy (a lie of course). He showed me the photos from his trip in Patagonia, and spoke wistfully of its majesty and its beauty as we leaned together peering at the images on the screen of his camera, the heat from his skin meeting that of my own.

"I'm going to get laid", I thought to myself. Quite astute, I know.

He kissed me, the most beautiful soft, fluid and yet commanding kiss I've had in a very long time. Ohhhh golly gee, could that darling boy kiss nice. And yet still be all meow and guide me into his embrace with a firm grip on my hair. His hands made their way to my breasts, and I felt his baby breath catch. "Bed?" said I, and he agreed.

Such a slender young body he had in the moonlight, it's golden glow apparent even in the near dark. And his skin was positively velvety. As he undressed my body, I saw the glint of his gap toothed smile. And honestly, if you ever want to feel hot, try this: slap yourself on the ass and say to yourself in a french accent "I luff your bod-deee". I mean, there really is something so moist about that accent.

By the time we had fooled around for half an hour I was pretty much panting with desire for him to bang me. As was he. But unfortunately at the critical moment...things went a bit flat. The poor dear was horrified. "Eye do not understand zis!" "Eye sink I am scared, you know, of your expeeerienz" and, in what has to be the ALL TIME BEST THING SAID TO ME WHILST FUCKING  (see previous list) "Oh non! I am like zee Spud!! In zee Trainspotting!!".

And you know, I think there are worse things than not being able to get it up. It's usually fixed with lots of kisses and distraction and maybe some rubbing of titties in face and a spritely blow job. Yes, there are much worse things.

... Like really quick, non-rhythmic, shallow and yet somehow overly strenuous thrusting. He'd thrust wildly for about 45 seconds, then exhaust himself and pant for about 15 seconds, before resuming again. I tried to take things into my own hands by manouvering him onto his back and giving him a good old fashioned slow, hard grind - complete with titty rubbing mind you - which he understandably was quite into. So much so that he promptly started thrusting beneath me like a demented jackhammer/hummingbird hybrid, throwing my mojo right out the window.  And then he tried to fuck me in the ass which was never going to happen in a month of fucking sundays.

Oh, it was such a shame. I had high hopes for him. Still it was ever so nice to see him naked and lustful in the morning light, even if I knew it would result in more inelegant shafting.

Such a sweet and beautiful boy. I only wish I had more time to rescue him for bad-root status.


 FOTOS FROM MY HOLGA


Please excuse the dodgy formating but uploading that was a total cunt. Also, no labels, but feel free to ask for details on any particular snaps.

 

  

 

 

 

Lady's (got) back!

 So, Argentina was fun. Filthy stories forthcoming.

I wasn't lying about how big my butt is at the moment, hey? I'm all like damn, gurl, how'd ya get in them jeans...

PS slightly edited this picture as I had mozzie bites on my bum and they weren't cute